Ask BRM Boy

   Guess what? It’s BRM Boy being asked a bunch of questions! You know what that means? That’s right! It’s Ask BRM Boy! What possessed the crew at Bank Robber Industries to dust off this feature, which hasn’t appeared since September of last year? Who knows? This isn’t Ask Bank Robber Industries, this is Ask BRM Boy! So until they lift the veil and start answering questions themselves, we are gonna have to guess. Before this heavy mailbag breaks through the table I just hefted onto my writing desk, I better start answering questions. Let’s dig in!
Dear BRM Boy,


   If there are two things I love, it’s cheese and the moon. It makes me think though, why don’t I hear anything about the moon being made out of cheese anymore? After all, if there are still people that think the earth is flat why aren’t there people that still think the moon is made of cheese? Man, I would love to put the moon in my mouth if it was indeed made of cheese. Any new tunes to help me celebrate a cheese moon?
Fievel Mousekewitz
Brooklyn, NY


Dear Fivel,

  I can’t speak to any moon truthers out there (sure I could look it up, but I shudder to think what alt-fact website I’d happen upon looking that up, and I don’t need THAT on my now-public search history, thank you very much) but I DO have just the track for you! Check out Goldfrapp’s “Moon In Your Mouth!”




   If I read your letter correctly, you hate vowels and love all caps, and want to find a new band. Either that or you need help bending your pulse. I can’t tell. See, omitting vowels from things is an art, and PWR BTTM is aces in that world. They are also aces in the world of rock and roll. Check out their latest video for the anthemic “Answer My Text.”

Dear BRM Boy,

 Shut your face and help me rock! I need some powerful rock, and I NEED IT NOW! GIMME THE ROCK!

Sister Mary
Vatican City


Dear Sister Mary,
  Jeez. You don’t have to be rude about it. After all, I’m here to help. Isn’t “be nice to corporate mascots” one of the 10 commandments? It should be. Anyway, if you wanna rock, then you want “Attack Mode” by White Hills. Play it for Young Pope while you two chain smoke through the night. And chill out!

Dear BRM Boy,
   I am such a huge fan of Generationals, and they have been releasing some tasty new singles lately. The latest, “Avery,” is a bouncy bass-fueled piece of pop perfection. I actually don’t have a question, just wanted to state my love.

Maurice T.  aka Jen Rational

Sioux Falls, SD


Dear Maurice,
   Weird. I’ve never gotten a statement letter, lacking in even one question mark… I’m not sure what to do here. So I guess I’ll just play that new Generationals tune? (Well at least I got my question mark!).

Dear BRM Boy,
   I was such a HUGE fan of the debut album from Tall Ships back in 2011. Please please PLEASE tell me they have a new album coming out? Please? PLEASE!
Pat A.
Queens, NY


Dear Pat,
   I get that you are a fan of the band. But, um… They have a new album that came out a few months ago-actually almost two months ago! But then again, you are writing actual pen on paper letters to me, so I will forgive you for being slightly out of the loop. Enjoy the video for “Home” (assuming you have an internet connection?)

Dear BRM Boy,
   I saw on twitter the other day that Polyvinyl signed Hazel to their roster. Is that true? That was my favorite show growing up! I didn’t even realize Shirley Booth was still with us. What kind of music does she do? Is it all about baking cakes?
Margret W.
Trenton, NJ


Dear Margret,
   Um. Shirley Booth, the actress that played Hazel on the sitcom of the same name from ’61-66 passed away in 1992 at the ripe old age of 94. I believe what you saw on twitter was that Polyvinyl signed the hailing from Sydney songstress. Get ready for some gauzy, dream pop that is likely to become a staple this summer.

Dear BRM Boy,
   If there is one thing I like, it’s music being performed on the top of a mountain. Got anything like that?
A cartoon St. Bernard with a thing of brandy around his neck.


Dear Cartoon St. Bernard,
   First off. You win the award for the strangest letter of the bunch. I have so many questions… But alas. Check out Chris Staples performing his tune “Hold Onto Something” atop Mount Constitution.

Dear BRM Boy,
   People always say “don’t smoke in bed.” Pfft! I do what I want! Any videos where people are smoking in bed?
John Mellencamp
Seymour, IN


Dear John,
   Well, there certainly are cigs in bed in this video, but I can’t say for sure they are smoking them. They just kind of seem to be playing with them. But it’s as close as I can get on such short notice. Check out the latest from Xiu Xiu!

Dear BRM Boy,
   I wanna be stunned. I wanna be absolutely shocked at the quality of an animated video, and I want that NOW! I wanna say “woah, that’s gorgeous” like a dozen times during a video. Do it!
Molly S.
Humboldt County, CA


Dear Molly,
   Why is everyone yelling at me today? I remember these letters being nicer the last time I answered a batch. Oh well. I guess it’s just a sign of the times. Please enjoy the absolutely stunning new video for Eluvium’s “Regenerative Being.”

Dear BRM Boy,
   First off, I just want to say thank you for answering questions from your adoring fans. You don’t have to do it, and it means a lot to me. I don’t even want anything specific, maybe just a song that rhymes with shiny creases?
BRM Boy’s Mom
Hoboken, NJ


Dear Mom,
   Aww shucks. You know just what to say to make me feel like a special boy. Why don’t you check out Coco Hames “Tine Pieces” since you are in the mood for something that rhymes with shiny creases (which is almost tied with that cartoon dog for strangest request of the week…)

That’s all for now. Keep those letters coming!
 ~BRM Boy (not a real cartoon dog)