BRM Boy: Welcome back to BRNews, the only news that matters. Joining me tonight, as always are Liberal White Lady and Angry White Guy.
Liberal White Lady: Hi Honey
Angry White Guy: Why isn’t the temperature in my remote studio set to 67 like I asked for it to be? I am NOT used to being uncomfortable. I refuse to talk until all my conditions are met. After all, if the temperature doesn’t drop my plastic surgery surely will.
BRM Boy: And joining us tonight are Lebron James…
Lebron: Thanks for having me!
BRM Boy: …and JR Smith is also with us. He has chosen, for some reason, to wear a Bill Buckner mask.
JR Smith: (muffled) Frmph mur fmur murff
BRM Boy: Are you sure we can’t convince you to remove your mask? I mean, everyone knows what you look like at this point. We’ve all seen the meme, after all.
JR: (muffled) Grmph fmurph shmurff
BRM Boy: Very well. So, as we were saying before the break, big news! The BRM website has been updated. There is new music from a ton of great bands up there now. Does anyone have any thoughts on any of these bands? There’s new music from…
LWL: Can I just interrupt for a second here? I’ve never had a chance to talk with Lebron James before. I wanted to say what a big fan I am.
Lebron: Thanks!
LWL: Also, I think you are the handsomest guy around… Oh my goodness. I can’t believe I just said that out loud. I’m so sorry to have objectified you Mr. James. You know what? I’m putting myself in a time out. A Twitter time out and even a Instagram one. Let me just take one more selfie, and another, and oh just one more, and let me tweet that out….
JR: (muffled) SMURG SLURFF!
Lebron: Just take off the mask JR!
JR (removing mask): How much time do we have left?
BRM Boy: Well, we have enough time to discuss new tunes from the likes of Tancred, The Get Up Kids, Tangents, The Rock*A*Teens…
JR: Should I shoot the ball now?
Lebron: …
JR: Now?
BRM Boy: Please panel! We need to discuss this music!
Lebron: I’d be happy to discuss the music. I’m used to having to carry groups of 5 people after all…
JR: Should I pass now Lebron?
Lebron: You know what JR. Go home. In fact, why don’t all of you split and let me handle the rest of this show? It’s for the best. After all, LWL is in a timeout, AWG is in a silence strike until he likes the temp, and JR… oh JR…who shot JR?
BRM Boy: What about me?
Lebron: I got this. Take the night off coach. Besides, there is a weird clause in my contract. I can only have one Jewish coach a decade. I guess it’s like being James Bond and wearing a tuxedo on screen or something. Don’t ask me, I didn’t write it.
BRM Boy: Very well, Lebron.
Lebron: So like BRM Boy was saying, we have some great new music. Take a dub break and chill out to the debut from High Disciple. If you wanna indulge your pop-punk roots, then how about some new music from The Get Up Kids? If you need some fresh beats in the hip-hop/trap vain then check out the new VenessaMichaels. All in all, you’ve got a lot of options here, unlike me on the court… You know what? Lemme get cleaned up quick before we finish up the show. In fact, I kinda like your look BRM Boy, lemme try and rock it.
Say, does this suit come in a short pants version? Anyway, 4 copies of me and my buddies the Heptapods from Arrival are signing off. You can correctly assume that I know the future. Hey circle! What’s shaking? Oh mannnnnn…….I guess we get swept, damn… But I’m the next President of the United States of America? In two weeks?!? OKdoke…….