So Johnny (yes, I call him Johnny, relax!) goes on vacation and Lyle is “unavailable” so I’m left holding the blog. BLOG? In 2018?? Anyone read those things still? IS THIS THING ON??? Well, since I’m playing substitute teacher, I get to do whatever I want. And I wanna write a blog about how hot it is (you thought I was just gonna put on a movie huh?). Can you believe it? With all that is going on in the world I’m writing about a little heat wave. It feels like the end of a horror film: I thought I was safe and then summer reaches it’s red-hot hand from beneath the grave and pulls me under! Okay, okay, before you can click away I will say this “blog” will give you a fantastic playlist for the heat wave/end of summer days. Eh? What can I say, I’m no Johnny (and where is Lyle again?? Seriously tho…), so I’m gonna let the music sing for itself! Here we go:


This may be true Generationals, but here’s a fun fact, kids: It gets worse when you’re lonely and hot! Or not lonely and hot. Or just hot. Did I mention this heat wave!? #wenowliveonthesun


In their latest video the lead singer of Lost Under Heaven strips down naked and slathers himself in mud. I was moments away from doing that myself today, while waiting in the sticky subway for my train. It just so happened I couldn’t find any mud before the train got there… #nsfw


I’ll tell you something else, Tancred: your new single really makes me tap my feet! You know what all that foot tapping does right? You got it, makes me even sweatier! #athletesfoot


Ahhh, delicious, sweet chocolate! Wait a second…this chocolate bar is completely melted! Well, you know what they say, when life gives you melted chocolate, you run inside and deep freeze it (at least I think that’s what they say…). Or you just go buy a refreshing egg cream. #johnnydreams


This video reminds me of one of the few positives of the summer heat: frolicking on the beach. But then I remember how hot the sand is… nevermind, I’ll watch videos of the ocean while sitting in the ac instead. #jonesfeet


What I expected to see here was a 6 Flags that has literally been melted down from this insufferable heat. What I got instead was a delightful tune from Glenn Jones showing off his collection of adorable postcards. Maybe I can use those to fan myself… #postcardsfromtheedge


This video gives all the childhood summertime feels: bike rides, tree forts, playing in the park, ice cream cones and Skittles. My adult summer’s are still the same except it’s: subway rides, studio apartments, avoiding the outdoors at all costs, salads and Skittles. Okay well, sorta the same anyways…#tastetherainbow


My intention was to really convey just how boiling hot this inferno of a city feels right now. But this video makes me wonder if you’d take me more seriously if I was wearing an outfit like the person in it. I may be your substitute blogger, but I demand to be taken seriously!! Fine, I’ll just put on the movie… #hashtag


I’m going to go sit in the refrigerator for awhile. Just knock on the door when it’s fall and I’ll come out and enjoy the beautiful weather for about a week or so…and then start bitching about “this ridiculous cold!”


Stay cool…